Ending of a Season.

The ending of 2014 is just around the corner. Usually the end of the year prompts people to evaluate the last year and consider what to work on in the next. Although it is the time of year where everyone is posting about reflections and New Years Resolutions, this post has been a long time coming. I started this blog with the intent of posting regularly, I was excited about travel and life and experiences.

Recently, my Pastor was speaking about the year and how if we are not progressing we are regressing, but in the last couple of months I felt like neither was the case. Everything had seemed to plateau, the dreams I once had non-existent, future plans uncertain and unsure what will come next.

There is a funny thing about dreams, sometimes they are better in your head, things don’t always turn out how you wanted. For years I believed I was the type of person that could go to Europe, that could have an amazing adventure. I believed I was the type of person that would travel, maybe it was the fact I was always a dreamer and I believed in big things, but although I enjoyed my trip to Wales, it wasn’t what I expected, and maybe solo travel isn’t cut out for everyone. I don’t mind traveling alone, I don’t mind exploring places by myself, but in Wales, although I was in another country, I was still just me. I don’t know if I was expecting to learn something new about myself, or if I was expecting to find a part of me that could be adventurous or free-spirited.

This year I’ve realized that I’ve lost who I am. I’ve lost the personality and spirit, I’ve lost that part of me that makes me who I am. I’ve lived in Oklahoma for almost 5 years and have realized that no one here knows who I am, but no one actually knows me. I want 2015 to be different. I’m not sure yet how that will happen, or what it will involve.

This next year will be full of decisions. This year I have a job thats ending will most likely coincide with my lease ending. The perfect opportunity to move if I wanted to. Out of city. Out of state. Out of country. I could go anywhere (as long as I can get a Visa that is), but where to go? Do I stay? There’s nothing in Oklahoma holding me here, but there’s also nothing anywhere else that is leading me there. The world is just waiting for me to take a step. To make a decision. Do I move forward? Move back? Stand still? Which way do I go?

Where do I start? Where do I continue? Do I stick it out and try to change who I am? Reach out more? Continue to accept this is how it will always be?

At the moment I am making a list of 30 things I plan to do this year. 30 things, not necessarily goals, or changes but things I would like to accomplish. If you made that same list for the year, what would you add to the list? What types of attainable things would you commit too?

2015 is right around the corner. A new season. A new beginning. A new outlook. A change.